They Got Her Dead to Rights

Sarah Palin Supersizes Fries
By David Axelrod, Associated Press
Media
Bubble, Oct. 23 -- Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin
has come under fire in recent days after it was revealed that earlier
this year, a drive-through meal purchased by the Alaskan Governor
contained more than the usual number of french fries.
The discovery was made during a routine Associated Press search of
drive-through security camera footage obtained from the McDonald's
restaurant at 130 Front St. in Juneau, less than a mile from the
governor's mansion. On a tape from Feb. 15 of this year, a woman
closely resembling Palin can be seen speaking intently for several
seconds, pausing, and then nodding her head and smiling. According to
lip readers hired by the AP, the woman may very well have been saying,
"Oh, you betcha." And in subsequent interviews, restaurant staff have
identified the woman as the governor and confirmed that on the night in
question, Palin very likely would have been asked about her desired
number of fries.
After days of controversy and several evasions ("I sure don't
remember specific details about a fast food run I made last winter.
Aren't you being a little silly?"), Palin yesterday acknowledged
responsibility for her part in the culinary misappropriation widely
known as Deliciousgate.
"Okay, I remember now. Trig was kicking away something fierce, and I
really had a craving for a double cheeseburger," the former beauty
queen and killer of defenseless animals admitted. "Usually I try to eat
pretty healthy, but every once in a while you gotta treat yourself. And
I figured the little guy wouldn't mind. Todd said he wasn't really
hungry, but he could eat some fries maybe. So when the gal asked if I
wanted to supersize it, I figured we could just split the fries. Those
things are so tasty."
During an appearance in Indianapolis today, President Obama --
delivering his speech in front of his usual backdrop, an enormous
solid-gold statue of himself -- scoffed at the greasy slob's miserable
excuse for her career-ending irresponsibility.
"Sarah Palin says she's just an ordinary working-class American.
[laughter] Now it turns out she eats strips of potato that have been
fried and salted. And if somebody offers her more of them for a
slightly higher price... that's just fine with her. [boos] Go
along, get along, eh, Governor? Are you going to throw away the
American people's money too? We cannot afford to have this woman in the
White House. Er, I mean a cancer-ravaged heartbeat away from the White
House."
Pres. Obama then emitted a discreet puff of arugula-scented flatulence, curing a nearby blind child