Profiles in Courage, Chicago Style

Barack Obama got out of bed this morning. To an admiring and approving press corps Press Secretary Gibbs explained that, “In a bold and nearly unprecedented move Our Great Leader put his left foot on the floor. But, not to be out done by lefty, our Far Seeing Leader’s right foot moved itself to the floor. Yes, Loyal Servants and Journalists, in an act of political courage seldom seen in the sweeping history of Western Civilization, Barack the Community Organizer Obama stood up from his bed. And, no Chris Matthews, you cannot touch the Marvelous Bed. I wish the rest of you would shut Matthews up so I can relate to you more glorious acts of political courage from our Humble Ruler’s epic morning.”
“Breakfast was the stuff of legend today,” Gibbs continued. “The president said, ‘I want three minute eggs and I want them now’ The cook, clearly unwilling to work well with others and in anti-team spirit, used the standard capitalist ploy of taking three, yes, I said three minutes to make three minute eggs. While he ate his eggs our Revered President consulted with some top advisors. The most influential advisor at the meeting observed that the cook was obviously confused, disorganized and ill prepared. One advisor felt that the cook was exhibiting disloyalty that might upset arrangements with a certain egg cartel. Our Far Seeing President observed that it might not be the best thing to commit to writing anything about disloyalty. The Great One then ordered that the cook be told that if he did not resign immediately he will be fired. Yes, Garrett I can tell you have a question.”
“Yes, the cook was fired. . . No, you could not be more wrong in describing it as childish pique gone wild. It took great political courage for the Greatest Leader the Free World Has Ever Had to fire this cook. The Light of Chicago is no respecter of persons. He is The Greatest Friend the Working Man Has Ever Had but he will visit his wrath on any who work against the common good. Yes Slavish Journalists this has been a week in which our Esteemed Leader has exhibited great courage. It has almost always been political. Yes, Journalists Who Know Their Place, this has been a week in which the First Truly Great Man Created by the American Nation has excelled in acts of great political courage. Poor Washington and Lincoln died before they could see the greatness that America could produce. How very sad for them. And how sad that JFK was not able to write a profile of true and genuine political courage”